good day / bad day

i try to post something everyday
no matter how insignificant to anyone else
because i love reading memories

i just want you to know, i change lives



you know when you see, hear, realize...something that just changes your entire view on...life? that just happend

you know that feeling when you have butterflies in your stomach?
the excitement of seeing your favorite band
or a new crush you cant stop thinking about

thats how i keep feeling

i keep thinking about spring and summer and the warmth of the sun
road trips and concerts
parks and ice cream
it makes me want to wear dresses and cut my hair

but it snowed today and thats what happens when you live in nebraska



my favorite songs today:
i got you dancing - lady sovereign
grey day - zoot woman
me + yr daughter - natalie portman's shaved head

so this month i became friends with a kickass girl named colleen

we go on road trips and
we went to car henge (a bunch of cars in a field made to look like stone henge...i have some pics of it on film i need to get developed once i shoot the whole roll and i'll maybe upload them here)
we danced to the faint in concert
and hopefully we have a few more awesome adventures ahead of us

today i bought a polaroid spectra at the thrift store, and i have about 20 pictures to take with this camera, so (yay) look for future polaroids


the weather is almost nice again and soon i will be outside whenever im not working
hopefully taking lots of photos, swimming & loving life

it cant come soon enough!

i dont know what the fuck to think anymore
i feel like a fucking robot who is just living life and hoping things just get better

sorry, this is a terrible entry

( words )

yesterday ryan wanted me to come on the roof of our apartment so i could help carry things down
but when i stood next to the extention ladder sitting on our second floor balcony
i freaked out

no no no
i got nauseas
i had to go inside

i made him hand things down to me and then told him he needed to come down

i had nightmares all night about ladders and roofs and cliffs


this is the first time i really realized i was terrified of heights

today i ate really healthy & not on purpose!

i ate mini wheats for breakfast

for lunch i had fat free cream cheese, lettuce, cucumbers, bean sprouts & thai peanut sauce on a bagel
four-cheese broccoli soup
& an iced coffee

and after work i drank some orange juice

i love the fact my high school art teacher makes a comment on my facebook status

my status: "what the eff lost..."
art teacher: "no kidding....I think I am one of the few people who still love the show....because it leaves me thinking exactly that every week...."


haha

& i just realized its almost been 5 years since high school! omg
i feel like that makes me old, but im not
and i see half my high school friends still anyway


also, i love this stupid site called polyvore cause its all fashion and shit
you make pages with outfits and stupid girly things
( these are my creations )

i used to read this kind of thing and think "wow, what cheesy bullshit".
but i read this one, and it explains ryan to a T

“Find a guy who calls you beautiful instead of hot, who calls you back when you hang up on him, who will lie under the stars and listen to your heartbeat, or will stay awake just to watch you sleep... wait for the boy who kisses your forehead, who wants to show you off to the world when you are in sweats, who holds your hand in front of his friends, who thinks you're just as pretty without makeup on. One who is constantly reminding you of how much he cares and how lucky his is to have you.... The one who turns to his friends and says, 'that's her.'"


CHEESY as shit!
but i love it haha

my boss begged me to dye my hair red again
ive been so tempted to dye it for a while now
i think its been at least 3 months since i dyed it black and then let it fade to my natural brown
i really like how my hair is a dark brown but it has these natural honey-colored highlights
but i really miss my red hair
im not the redhead anymore
im just another girl who doesnt stand out
im definately dying my hair red in april
i just have to decide to do it before or after my aunts wedding reception...

anyway
my tear duct is infected or something so it hurts every single time i blink

& i just realized i started designing a new layout for my website
and im gonna work on it so i can upload it and burn your eyes with how bright and yellow it is
haha

preview!

i had friends over last night and it was great!
becca, colleen, kim, patrick, jon and jon's friend jen came over
we watched role models & how to lose friends and alienate people
kim made amazing mudslides
and ryan made amazing tacos

today ryan and i ran around town
tj maxx, marshalls, burlington coat factory, and cabelas
to buy bras, socks, and fishing poles haha

right now he's playing resident evil
but we just watched dead like me (the movie!)
it was my favorite tv series until they just stopped doing them
so that was pretty exciting for me
!!

oh and im making bouquets for my aunt's wedding
and another for my grandparent's 50th anniversary!
ah! it's so exciting
&
we're going to colorado the second week of april TWICE in the same week
like going there at the beginning of the week (to take our clay sculpture to the foundry to get bronzed)
coming back
and going there again at the end of the week (for my aunts wedding)
its about an 8hour drive there so its going to be about 40 hours of driving
omg im excited but not
so much driving!

i changed my desktop!

for most of winter it was this:



now its this:

click to enlarge

:D i love customizing everythiiiing

new items
icons: http://monochrom.pheist.net/
shapeshifter theme: Xero
adium icons: twitter

today i fell off a chair and hurt my leg

i am sculpting an 8-foot firefighter and the ladder couldnt get me to the right height so i put a chair on the platform i was working on
then ryan came along and moved the chair for some reason
and when i went to stand on it, it teetered off the edge of the platform
and it fell and i fell and i push the ladder over
and i think my leg got hit by the chair
and the ladder crashed into a $1,000 wax sculpture nearby

whoops!

my left leg has two giant red spots that arent bruises yet, but definitely will be
IT HURTS

ive been sewing!



& i knitted that purple sweater too

i made a new friend last weekend, his name his nate
he's a real cool kid

that's 2 out of 5 for 2009!

my lizard is sick
:(

my dream last night was exactly like this picture



i was kidnapped by someone
and they brought me to an abandoned skeleton of a castle
surrounded with fields of the brightest green grass and flowers
and next to the castle was a giant blue lake with giant grey rocks i climbed over

it was amazing

it was the strangest dream i can ever remember

i know its really selfish of me
but i really dont like when my boyfriend invites his cousin over
without really letting me have a say in it
and then they sit in the room next to me playing a demo of the new resident evil game
WAY TOO LOUD

not only that, my scanner isnt working
and i was in the middle of majorly cleaning the apartment
and now i cant do it because the fuckers are in the way
and then we have to go to dinner and then to american fucking apparel
which i completely dont want to do

i hate mondays